Alexandra Inside-Out

I'm being forced to think...

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First Post #2

A few weeks ago I opened a tumblr account, wrote my first-ever post, and have since forgotten my account name.  I know I talked of meeting Kenny and our first times together but can’t remember the detail.  With my innate desire to keep things sequential, I want to enter this post having that one to go from.  But, alas, I’ll just have to go from here.

It’s Saturday morning, Kenny is with his laptop in the other room, Doug is on his xBox, Courtney is in her bedroom, Savannah is off at a weekend track meet, Conner is at a bike race for the weekend, and this is the first regular weekend day at home that we’ve had.  Neither Kenny nor I are racing off to something to distract the morning from just hanging out and doing our own thing without that ‘new relationship’ thing of having to be less than five feet from the other’s toes.  This is flow.  A little while ago I went in to see if I could get Kenny anything and realized I had intruded on his morning space.  Now I know.  It’s such a wonderful thing, this new life with a man who has his own sense of self, his own strength, his own interests; and to be in my own grounded place without any complication of being threatened by it, rather I have this underlying joy that our independent selves get to thrive and our together selves get to do the same.  

This is not to over-think or complicate simple things, but I know in my gut that this is so: overt action, when it comes from that self-centered place to somehow prove you care, to show you mean well, to make yourself look good will never work.

Finally.  Wow.  FINALLY.  Yeah.  Flow.